


Aftercare

by foxysquid



Series: Erumike Week [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Anal Sex, Boyfriends, Kissing, M/M, Military, Rough Sex, Switching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-01
Updated: 2014-03-01
Packaged: 2018-01-14 04:01:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1251970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foxysquid/pseuds/foxysquid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's expected for a soldier's first mission outside the walls to be harrowing and horrific.  No one could remain unaffected by such an ordeal, but the nature of Erwin's reaction takes Mike by surprise.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Aftercare

They were sodden, but not with blood. A sudden storm had blown in, pelting them with hard rain turning to sleet in the cold. It had washed away much of the blood soaking their clothes. It didn't help. There was nothing refreshing or cleansing about it. It was bitter and chilling. It made the already damp ground wetter. One of the horses slipped and threw its rider, bringing more tension and alarm to the already fraught race back to the wall. The fallen soldier got to her feet, not badly hurt, but her horse was downed, its leg injured in the fall.

Mike was instantly aware of the entire situation. The rain dampened his sense of smell, but the fear of horse and downed rider was clear enough. He was also aware of Erwin pulling on his own horse's reins and turning back, and of the proximity of the pursuing Titans. Mike didn't think that Erwin shouldn't help. He didn't tell himself that slowing down and turning back would endanger more people. He didn't think at all. He swung around, his own horse galloping after Erwin's as he urged her on with the pressure of his thighs.

It made sense that Erwin would move in to assist her. If they didn't, she would die. Without leaving his saddle, Erwin leaned down to reach for the young woman standing on the ground. She took his hand.

A Titan lunged for them. It was a small one, a little more than three meters, but fast, almost aberrant in its speed. It was heading directly toward Erwin, eyes swollen and vacant and ugly, mouth stretched wide. Mike was close enough to act. Vaulting out of his saddle, he slashed with his blade. He didn't have the right height or angle to go for the back of its neck, so he made do with delivering a blow across its face, cutting into its eyes and temporarily blinding it.

"Mike!" Erwin had taken advantage of the distraction to pull up their comrade, and he paused. The two were free to ride away together, but Mike was temporarily on foot. He whistled for his horse, and he saw her swing around to join him, but he was in trouble. Even blinded, the Three Meter was lurching toward him, so he started to run, grateful for the length of his legs. He could hear his heart, beating in his ears.

"Go," said Mike, which was about all he could manage as he propelled himself forward with all the strength in his legs. Erwin would want to come back for him, but there were already two people on his horse. In spite of his one-word protest, Erwin was already heading back, and Mike wished he had the spare energy or necessary equipment to throw something at him to make him go away.

The ground was slippery and treacherous. It was all Mike could do to stay on his feet. If they both died, he'd never forgive himself, not that there'd be much left to forgive. He could smell the Titan closing on him, the stench of blood and sick-sweet rot. Its eyes would be healing by now. He saw Erwin riding closer, and veering suddenly to one side, drawing the thing's attention. There were other Titans, too, but they were farther off, not yet an immediate threat, even if Mike could feel the earth tremble slightly from the pressure of their steps as he ran.

It was over quickly. His horse briefly slowed to a trot beside him. He fit his foot in the stirrup and leapt up into the saddle. Once he had his seat, he glanced back at Erwin. Their gazes met briefly as they rode ahead to join the rest of the formation. 

The rear guard broke away, heading back to fight off the Titans long enough for the rest of the force to make it through the gate. As it was their first mission, Mike and Erwin had been instructed to head through the gate at once. They didn't disobey this command, but Mike sensed more than a few disapproving glares aimed in their direction as they entered the town and waited for the rear guard, maintaining a defensive formation in case a Titan broke through. Mike understood the reason behind the looks. They'd been stupid, and technically, they'd been in error, but the woman riding behind Erwin was weeping with gratitude, hugging his shoulders. They'd saved her life, even if Erwin had endangered it again to help Mike. She didn't mind that, if it occurred to her. She was so happy to be alive.

Mike couldn't feel bad about that. He was happy, himself. When he breathed in, the air moved through his nose, filling his lungs, and he was alive. Wonderfully, amazingly alive. He didn't mind the chill in the air he breathed in, or the cold damp of his clothes. Let it be cold. If he could feel the freezing air and the water beading on his skin, then he knew he wasn't dead.

***

Whatever euphoria he felt in the wake of the mission, with the excitement and relief still rushing through his veins and quickening his heart, it faded soon. Relief was replaced with the replaying of horrific scenes: limbs torn from bodies, people swallowed whole or bitten in two. Dark sprays of blood and the quick, slick spill of organs over distended lips. You never knew how many colors and shapes were inside the body until you saw it torn open. Mike wished he didn't know.

He wasn't sure if he should try to sleep, if he would be able to. He wondered how anyone in the Survey Corps could sleep. What had he done? Had he made a mistake in joining the Survey Corps? If he stayed, he was going to die. He didn't want to die. He didn't close his eyes, because he didn't want to dream, fearing that his dreams would be vivid and worse than the act of remembering.

He had his own room, if it could be called that. There were far less people in the Survey Corps that there had been in training, so there was space to spare. It was a tiny chamber, adjacent to the shared dormitory. Since he'd had the top score in his class, they'd given him some additional privileges. He was expected to advance through the ranks, but in this moment, he didn't feel like he would. He felt small and vulnerable and weak. He wanted to get up and leave: his room, the building, go away and never come back. He knew that he wouldn't, but he wanted to.

"Mike." Somehow, he wasn't surprised to hear Erwin's voice, when it sounded at his door. 

"Yeah, I'm here," he said unnecessarily, as Erwin stepped inside. Where else would he be? Mike rolled over onto his side as Erwin climbed into bed beside him. He sniffed, tentatively. Sniffing Erwin didn't tell him a lot, but it was a habit by now.

Erwin was warm and welcome, wrapping his arms around him. Mike returned the gesture, hands settling on Erwin's back, but he could tell at once that something was wrong. It wasn't the scent of Erwin's body so much as the tension in him. He didn't feel like himself, his limbs stiff, his movements jerky. This was probably the only thing that could have distracted him from his own troubles: concern for Erwin. "Are you all right?" he asked.

He felt a sudden, sharp pain as Erwin's teeth sank into his neck, not hard enough to break his skin, but hard enough to hurt. Mike wasn't sure how to react. His hands slid up, over Erwin's back, and into his hair.

"Mike, I just--" Erwin didn't finish whatever he was going to say. Mike felt a tight grip on his shoulder, and in a moment, he was rolled over onto his back with Erwin on top of him, straddling his hips. Erwin's hands were weights on his body, holding him down. Mike gazed up at him in confusion, but it was dark, and he couldn't see Erwin's face well enough to judge his expression.

Erwin remained silent for a time. His breath was ragged, rough. Mike could smell the sweat standing on Erwin's skin as he pulled off Mike's clothes. Mike offered no resistance, shifting beneath him to make Erwin's task easier as he stripped him. Why would he resist? He could tell Erwin was upset, and it was difficult for him to deny Erwin anything, upset or not.

He bit Mike again. There was nothing playful about it. Those teeth struck his shoulder in desperation, and soon afterward, they collided with his own, Erwin's mouth meeting his in a kiss so forceful, it made Mike's head ache as their teeth clicked together. Mike didn't complain. He twined his tongue with Erwin's, kissing him back, even as Erwin's fingers swept down Mike's arms, drawing lines of pain into his skin with his nails.

Erwin had never been like this with him before. He'd never hurt him. Erwin broke the kiss to force his fingers into Mike's mouth, nearly choking him with them as he pushed them in, their tips striking the back of Mike's throat. When he pulled them out again, he reached between Mike's legs. Mike shuddered and let out a sharp sigh. Erwin's fingers were wet from his spit. It wasn't hard to guess what Erwin wanted, so he spread his legs, offering what he had to give him. Erwin's fingers pressed inside him insistently, without gentleness. Mike bit his lip, but offered no complaint. It wasn't as if they hadn't done this before. 

But it hurt. It hurt when Erwin pushed his way inside him roughly--he wasn't ready. He wasn't wet enough. Erwin was panting in desperation, forcing his cock in nonetheless, and Mike let him. He must have been hurting himself too, but Mike let him do whatever he wanted. He tried to relax, shifting his hips to ease Erwin's way. He tried to keep quiet, though he wanted to cry out. Someone else might hear. No, he had to take it in silence as Erwin drove his cock into him, fucking him like--like he was afraid of dying. Like they might die at any moment.

"It's all right," he said, as Erwin's cock worked its way further in, as Erwin started to move faster, fuck him harder. "Erwin." He said it so Erwin wouldn't think he was hurting him, even though he was. He wrapped his legs around Erwin's waist, twisting his fingers in Erwin's hair. Erwin didn't so much as touch Mike's cock. He only slammed into him, again and again, his cock filling Mike and stretching him out. Erwin didn't seem to care about anything but that: their bodies striking each other. There was a violence in him Mike couldn't remember having sensed from him before. When Erwin came, that was violent, too. He bit Mike again, the strangled cry welling from his throat muffled by Mike's skin in his teeth.

Erwin collapsed on top of him, still breathing hard.

Mike's arms came around him. Mike was still half-hard. He hadn't come, because he'd been too worried about Erwin, and Erwin, for once, hadn't cared about pleasing him. He'd only wanted to fuck, Mike could tell. Mike stroked his hair as Erwin rested on top of him. His body was aching, but he could deal with that.

Erwin's cock was growing soft, and Mike didn't want it to leave him, but it did, slipping out slowly. The tension in Erwin's body didn't fade so easily. Mike stroked his back, but he could feel his muscles straining, as if he wanted to act, but couldn't decide on a course of action. Not even coming had managed to lessen the nervous energy that Mike could practically feel humming through him. He could hear his breath, still broken in the darkness. He reached up to touch his face, but Erwin's cheeks were dry. No tears, not even near his eyes. His skin was warm. Mike's fingertips brushed his eyelashes.

If they'd been in daylight, he could have seen the gold in those lashes, picking up the sun. He knew the sight well. Such a simple, small thing. The way Erwin would lower his eyes slightly when he smiled, his eyes half-lidding, the blond lashes veiling the blue beneath. If he was gone, all his little gestures would be, too. His low, mischievous laugh, the thoughtful way he pulled at his shirt cuffs when he forgot he wasn't supposed to, although that happened more rarely now than it used to. The slight shifts in his bearing and expression that no one else could read, but which Mike knew so well that they could carry on entire conversations without talking. He'd had to learn to read Erwin in other ways, since the ways he could read him by smelling him were limited. He didn't want to lose those shifts and subtleties that only existed in Erwin. Then who would he talk to? He could understand why Erwin was upset, even if he didn't feel the same violent energy that animated him. They had so much to lose. They had already lost comrades today. There were friends they had spoken to that morning who they would never see again. The same could easily become true of either of them.

Mike kissed his mouth, and Erwin shuddered. "It's all right," said Mike. It was, and it wasn't. He wrapped his arms around Erwin and rolled over onto his side, taking Erwin along with him. He turned Erwin until they lay against each other, Mike's front pressed to Erwin's back. As tall as Erwin was, Mike was taller, and he could envelop him. He ran his hands over Erwin's body, pressing against firm muscle and drawing fingertips lightly over soft, warm skin. They didn't speak, because they didn't need to. They could converse like this. 

Mike didn't feel driven to hurt Erwin, as Erwin had hurt him. But it was fine that he'd done that. Mike had accepted it, so there was nothing wrong with it. He kissed Erwin's hair. His hand slid down between Erwin's legs to play with his cock. He was sticky with sweat and come. The whole room smelled like sex and anxiety. It was amazing to Mike that everyone in the building wasn't instantly aware of it, but the things people's noses missed shouldn't have surprised him anymore. Erwin sighed, and Mike kissed the back of his neck.

He stroked Erwin slowly, fingers seeking out dampness, anything that that would make them wet: come and spit, then slid them back between Erwin's buttocks. He touched him lightly, fingers first brushing at his asshole, then massaging it before pressing a finger in. Erwin gave a start, then let out another sound, like a moan, but broken. Mike fingered him gently. He knew the feel of him well. He knew how to touch him. When he pushed inside him, he knew where to move his fingers to please him. Erwin's breath quickened again, and he seemed about to grow agitated again, moving as if to turn back toward Mike and seize him again. Mike could have let him do that. He could have let him hold him down and fuck him again, but instead, he held Erwin still, with his free hand. Erwin grew calmer.

Mike buried his face in Erwin's hair, breathing in deep. The scent of blood still clung to him, but Mike wasn't repelled. Part of him wanted to speak, to say that things that maybe he shouldn't, but he kept his silence. At a time like this, words weren't necessary. With Mike's fingers moving slowly and surely inside him, Erwin was ready. Mike pulled his hand away and pulled Erwin close to him, arms coming around his waist.

They had done this enough times that it was relatively easy to slip inside him. Erwin hissed through his teeth, but didn't protest. Mike wanted to be close to him. There was nothing closer than this, than moving inside him. They had almost died, but they hadn't. They were alive. Erwin was warm and here and with him, and in this moment, he was his.

Erwin pressed back against him. It was good, so Mike moved with him, rocking against him. He held him until he came inside him, and when he did, Erwin drew in breath sharply, then exhaled. Mike stroked Erwin's cock until he came, too, the stickiness coating his hand. Then they were both sticky, as well as warm and breathing deeply. They breathed in time with each other. They knew each other so well after the years of training, of closeness, that at times their movements were perfectly aligned. He could understand what Erwin wanted without needing to be told, without the guidance of his sense of smell.

"Mike--"

"I know." 

Erwin sounded calmer now; his were limbs less stiff, his muscles relaxed. "I'm--," Erwin began.

Mike cut him off, quickly. "It's all right," he said again. He didn't want Erwin to apologize to him. He had nothing to apologize for. Erwin would be fine. There had been no question in his mind. If anyone could deal with this, could face the Titans without hesitation, it was Erwin. In a way, he was glad. No one else had ever seen Erwin when he was like this, he was sure. Erwin trusted him that much, enough to let his guard drop, if only for a little while. It was odd to see him that way, but oddly meaningful. Mike stroked his hair, ignoring all the soreness he felt, from their mission, and from Erwin's roughness. He would suffer much more than that, for Erwin.

"I'll do whatever I have to," Erwin said. The pain in his voice had been replaced with something harder and more remote. That ugly, open raw place in him was closing over, but not like a wound healing. Nothing like that. It was still there, only hidden, but the difference now was that Mike had seen it. He knew it was there. He could account for it. He could compensate. He placed a hand over Erwin's chest, palm flat against his skin.

"So will I," said Mike, but he sensed that what he meant was slightly different. That was fine. That was the way things were. He pulled Erwin close to him. He held on to him. Erwin's breathing began to slow, then grow shallow in sleep. Mike didn't fall asleep. He held on to him. If he went to sleep, he might let go.


End file.
